A trip to the cinema is meant to be an enjoyable and relaxing experience, you choose a film to watch, purchase a ticket, get yourself some overpriced popcorn and a fizzy drink, maybe some sweets, or anything else that tickles your fancy, watch the film and go home happy. Easy, well it should be anyway.
Now I'm not in any way a regular cinema goer, but when I do go to watch a film, for me, it is rarely a particularly enjoyable experience, in fact I don't think I have ever walked out of the cinema feeling entirely satisfied, not since I was a blissfully unaware child anyway.
Okay, so I did enjoy 'The Damned United' but even then I was wondering if it was really worth the £10 I was charged to get in. When in the queue with a few mates the bloke at the counter said '£10 please' to one of the people I was with, '£10 for 4 adults' I thought, what a bargain. But no, it was £10 each, fucking hell, I know we are in London, but that's taking the piss, the most I had ever paid is about £3.40. But, like I say, good film, enjoyed it, can't have too many complaints.
The cinematic experiences that don't necessarily go according to plan are the ones that are, invariably, the ones that are remembered more than the standard sit down, watch film, go home ones. As I've already touched on, I'm not a regular at the cinema - I don't pay a monthly fee to cinema club and I don't subscribe to 'Total film' magazine. This is largely due to the fact that I - and I feel no shame in admitting this - find it hard to follow story lines, I don't know why, short concentration span I guess, but I get lost easily. I'm also not too great at sitting still for much more than an hour, so taking everything into account, by the time the last of the popcorn has been shovelled into my mouth I'm usually totally lost, confused, bored shitless, or a combination of the three.
There's nothing particularly difficult about going to watch a film, you go in, watch the film and leave, it's pretty simple, but nothing ever seems to be easy, nothing can happen without something happening. The main reason for me writing this entry was to recall events that occurred a few months ago when me and 4 friends (yes, 4 males in their mid 20s, shocking, I know) went to the Cineworld, Newport a few months ago, but that wasn't the first time a trip to the pictures hadn't gone according to plan.
The first unconventional trip happened on a Saturday afternoon in 1997 when me and about 20 school friends made the trip to the ABC cinema (remember that) in Newport. The film that was chosen (not by me, by one of the 'cool kids') was Dante's Peak, a film about a volcanic eruption. About 45 minutes into the film I was offered some food and I duly took a handful, I was never one to turn down free food and it is a trait I carried into adult life. The food contained hot peppers that my mouth wasn't yet accustomed to and it burnt it, I made a commotion (another trait I have kept) and proceeded to get kicked out. Something else I will always remember about that day is the fact Perry chose not to leave me alone and walked out with me - true mate.
Another one I remember was again with a group of school kids (much probably the same lot). We went to watch a film in Spytty industrial park, Newport, but as no-one was old enough to drive we had to rely on the bus to take us home. We knew what time the last bus was scheduled to leave, but still chose to watch a film that we had no chance in seeing the end of. That particular film was 'the Bone Collector' starring Samuel L Jackson, I can't remember much about the film, but ironically I seem to remember actually enjoying it, shame it was cut short, never did get to see the end of that film, I'll have to stick it on my imaginary list of things to do.
There are other experiences I could mentioned, but I can't be bothered and I don't this to go on forever, it's already a lot longer than I anticipated.
So, to the main point of me writing this entry. A few months ago I had a text from a friend asking if I wanted to go to the cinema to watch 'Inception', I wouldn't normally accept such an invitation, but I had heard good things about the film, without actually knowing what it was about. I agreed to go on the basis that 'everyone is saying it's good so it must be good' instead of my usual theory that 'everyone says it is good so it must be shit.'
So me and four of my friends (Dowler, Gwyn, Moe and Rory) left for 'Cineworld' in Newport (Spytty industrial park) and I was ordered by Moe to ring Orange (my network providers) to get a code as, apparently, it was 'Orange Wednesday', whatever that was. So I rang Orange and got my code, which now allowed me to get 2 tickets for the price of 1, two for a tenner in monetary terms. So it's normally £10 to watch a film in Newport? Rip off.
We got to the cinema at about 20:30 and by the time we had queued and bought a ticket as well as the mandatory popcorn/cola/sweets and made our way to the screening section it was about 20:45. After a short debate we agreed on what screening was the correct one to go into and as we walked in I saw Leonardo Di Caprio on the screen 'probably missed a few minutes, but won't be a problem' I thought. The cinema was quite full, so instead of suffering the indignity of walking around looking for 5 seats together we opted for the front section where you are guaranteed to get a stiff neck and will quite possibly have sweets/popcorn thrown at you by 15 year old kids further back.
So there we sat for the next 10 minutes, each one of us silently, secretly confused with the slow starting film and finding it hard to get into. Then, all of a sudden, the title flashed up on the screen 'Inception'. Strange intro, I thought, but it will probably move a bit faster now. And then the lights came on and the credits started to roll. We all looked at each other with bemusement before we simultaneously realised our monumental (as far as cinemas go) fuck up and then burst out laughing with total embarrassment. Rory and Gwyn, who were sat closest to the end then leapt up from their seats and made for the exit asap, whereas the rest of us opted for sinking as low as possible into our chairs, in the vain hope the 100 or so people would have forgotten about us walking in with 10 minutes of the film remaining.
This wasn't to be, when we finally got up and started walking out with the rest of the audience I guess they were split into 2 category's, those who saw us foolishly walk in with 10 minutes to go and those who didn't, but were probably left wondering why we all found the end of the film so funny, when it was anything but humorous.
As we stood outside the screening room wondering how we managed to do what we had just done we agreed, aftter much deliberation, to go to the viewing at half past 9. It wasn't ideal, but we had paid for the ticket and we were intrigued to find out what happened in the first 2 hours of the film.
Before we went in to see the film again we all decided that we would get up and leave at the point we had walked in at the earlier showing. And so we did. The look on the face of some lad I caught a glimpse of was priceless, it was a confused look that said 'why would you pay to watch a film before walking out after 2 hours with 10 minutes remaining?' Simple really, seen it. Either that or got a bus to catch.
So that was it, my best ever cinematic experience bar none and paraphrased perfectly by Moe at the time as 'like our very own Pulp Fiction'. Probably had to be there to really understand how amusing it was and if I've failed to encapsulate this I can only apologise, I never claimed to be Roald Dahl.
PS: The film, in my opinion, was over-rated bullshit.
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