Tenth bit of stuff - Cars

As you may or may have not have noticed, I haven't posted on here for a couple of weeks.  This is mainly because I have been in recovery and apart from the odd walk and run in with a shop assistant, I have very little to write about (and no-one writes about walking).  I did say that in my spare time I would write about past bollocks that has happened, but in my time off I've become more and more idle, rather than creative, if indeed this blog can be classified as being 'creative'.  Anyway, I have had the odd rant...


I've said it many times before and I will without doubt repeat myself in the future, it's quite well known by those who know me well that I don't get the whole car thing, I can't understand the obsession with them.  In fact I despise most things about them, they seem to bring me nothing but unnecessary distress and the problems they do cause burn massive metaphorical holes in my pockets.  As part of the male specie I'm not expected to admit these type of things, I'm expected to watch Top Gear, bum Clarkson and read Max Power and Auto Trader, but I don't, they just bore me. 

It's not that I don't appreciate their existence, or their importance, because I do, they were arguably one of the greatest inventions ever and as much as I like to sometimes think I would lead a much easier life without one, I know this is untrue, because to me, and most other people (who work 15 miles from where they live) they are a necessity. But that is exactly my point, they are a necessity, something which most of us need to get us around from place to place; to get to work, to go to the cinema, sporting events, gigs, the theatre (not me) etc etc, the list is endless -or at least very very long - but why people spend so much money and time on 'doing them up' I simply can't fathom.  Too much money I guess.

That is quite possibly my main quibble, the 'souping up', or modifying, to those who are even less clued up than me. With perhaps the exception of alloys (which yeah, they can be alright) I can't think of any other modification which doesn't make me feel angry just by looking at it.  From the spoiler (what's the point on a Saxo?) to the lowering of the vehicle (which surely makes it a lot more difficult to get around with the ever increasing number of speed bumps) to those light things they put on the bonnet, it just seems like a huge waste of time and what's the point anyway, you can't see it if your driving it.

However the thing that aggravates me the most, more than all of those above things, is the intentionally loud exhaust.  I can't for the life of me see why anyone would want their car to make those loud, annoying noises.  I once had a hole in the exhaust of a car I owned and it was horrible, I mean really horrible and not even cranking the music up to 30 would make it go away.  I took it to a garage as soon as I could to get it fixed, where I was probably ripped.

Ahh the money I pay to repair these faults.  Due to my ignorance I obviously know nothing about making even the simplest of repairs to cars, ask me to change a tyre and I will probably look at you as if you asked me to work out Pi to 3 decimal places.  Ok I could probably change one if I had to (and I think Pi to 3 decimal places is 3.142, no?), but I'm reluctant to try, in fear of the car falling on top of me and crushing every bone in my head.  I'd probably end up on a programme on one of those sky channels no-one ever watches called on channel 277 called 'Unfortunate deaths' or '1001 ways you wouldn't want to die' presented by someone you've never heard of and have no desire to either.

So because I know nothing about cars I'm forced to go to a garage, a place that makes me feel more uncomfortable than any other place in the world.  I can sense that straight away they have worked me out for what I am - an easy target.  I always delay going to a mechanic for as long as possibly (apart from the loud exhaust incident), convincing myself that the problem isn't really anything to be worried about, that the whirring noise is probably normal and will look after itself, that it will disappear soon enough.  My habitual answer to the problem - rather than going to a mechanic straight away - is normally to turn the music up to the point I can no longer hear the noise, out of sound and out of mind, clever, I know.

One reason I delay going to the garage for long is because I don't particularly trust mechanics, I have a theory (which could well be stolen) that when mechanics fix your car for you they make a slight adjustment to something else so that in 7 weeks time (yes, exactly 7 weeks) you have to go back, and go through the whole rigmarole again.  But seriously, how am I going to know any different?  I can sense them saying to each other 'here he is again, sucker' as I pull up for the 6th time of the year.  I explain to them my problem, but of course they already know, having loosened the clutch themselves 7 weeks ago (yes, exactly 7 weeks ago).

I also have a massive problem with Jeremy Clarkson, the ultimate car lovers hero, worshipped by so many, despised by many more, he is someone you either love or hate.  Well I fall firmly into the second category, I can't stand the bloke.  I hate his TV show too, who cares if they can drive a Skoda fitted with the engine of a speed boat around a racing track blindfolded whilst eating a twister with one hand and opening a tin of beans with the other, it's totally futile.  Oh and so we finally found out who 'the Stig' was, who was it again? Oh yeh, nobody in particular, some secret.

So why moan about cars? why now?  Well as much as I don't like them, I understand the need to get a new one every so often, not just for safey purposes, but so it doesn't totally lose it's value and, well, it is actually nice to get a newer car every now and then, particularly as I spend enough time travelling in it.  So I'm on the search for a new one.  I say search, I haven't really searched yet, I've driven one car, a red Peugeot 207, it was nice enough to drive and looks alright as well (red is a nice colour), but I nearly feel as ill at ease in a car shop speaking to a salesman as I do at the mechanics.  They may sound like they are trying to give you a good deal, buy it's easy to forget that these people - like anyone else in sales - are purely in it for themselves and will probably go at any length to ensure they get their sale.

So that's my view on motor vehicles, you may agree with me, you may disagree with me, but to be honest I don't really care too much, I needed to get it off my chest, and now, thankfully, it is.